A New Dawn

Once more a new year is upon us, I once again looked back to a time when I've lost, wept, broken down and had heartaches. Each of which has its own reasons and justification because of my actions and inactions. But whatever was in the past made me who I am today through choices, realization and urgency. All that has brought me back here where it began.

Throughout the years, life has been like a flash flood where I got caught in. Nothing was clear as there were only blurry trails. Then it came down upon me to stand still and listen to myself once more to what was neglected.

It occurred to me that change must come from within and it starts with making choices. It was choice to leave my job, move out and see places for a bit. Then I decided what better place to slow the pace and recollect myself.

Home is where I found a job and rejoined my family and old friends. I found myself where I need to be at the moment. But what I wish to do is pursue more of life's offering.

At the moment, I would like to see the sunrise into the new year.

Am I ready?

As the day draw closer, doubts and uncertainty fills my head. What am I to do?

Into the blue

When our existence first started out, sensations were new to our undeveloped minds. At infancy we've learned to perceive our world through five senses. With curiousity, we've looked at objects with our eyes, crawled towards it, felt it with our tiny hands, smashed it against the floor to hear if it made any percular sounds and lastly we would put objects into our mouths to taste it.


That was how we learned to interact with our world.

Now what if we submerged into the sea which host another realm unlike the surface? Are your surface sensation and mobility still valid here?


Well, yes in a way, but it must be used differently.

Boys queuing up

Down there, you can't walk to get around, can't inhale through your nostrils, can't hold our breath and the only thing we get to taste is salt water!

Divers unleashed!

Diving to the bottom requires certain training and discipline. One that teaches newbies underwater interaction, survival, movement while having fun. At first dive, a blue blanket were pulled over my eyes, my ears began to fee l the pressure from being pressed, my body suspend in mid water like sand grains, then all sensations tingle with excitement at the prospect of discovering a new realm of endlesss underwater life and fauna.

School of fishes

Once you are down there it is easy to see why a majority of people go bonkers over diving.


Firstly, diving is like entering into a new dimension.

No, it not like entering The Matrix

Secondly, swimming with aquatic life is far more interesting than going on a safari at the surface since we are able to go up close to it.


And lastly, diving is fun and so is making friends with fellow divers.

A sense of urgency

Coming back from it all gave me a sense of comfort that I've known and grown accustom to. The truth to the matter of fact it is, it has thwart to my progress in life. It the sense of being stuck in reverse and not moving forth. Being 26 isn't alarming enough, there are things that I've recently set my sights and worried that I will lose grasp of it.

I can see where I want to be, but hesitant feeling i get is how shall I get there. At present, I feel i've been bogged down. But I have this believe I can pull it thru unconventionally. Because there is no other way.

Just no other way if i were live life full.

Ideals

Ideally I would like to live life precariously and without consequence. With nothing worrying at the back of my head or a commitment which needs constant attention. Make decisions without cringing or consideration of my current standing. Spend time with close ones, laugh and smile genuinely by not letting my mind drift into negative thought. Enlighten or empower myself to have things done with no hindrance or shackle. Love freely, have all the time in the world and always be close. Change with the world around, be ahead and not be stuck in reverse. Have peace and serenity at all time so I could sit still daze ahead and reflect at some distant unknown place from where I am now. Speak my mind, be blunt and sharp. Be who I was once more for which I have left behind or neglect. Travel anyway just to look for that moment to remember or to have an everlasting conversation with someone who inspires. Feel free think less do more.

Ideally I wish for all of the above.

But I am not living in an ideal world, am i?

There is one thing to have it all, its to realize and work towards it.

a sense of relief

During the time spent hanging around the hospital, i've seen neurological patients being wheeled around which is a good sign. They are no longer bound to their bed. It also means that they are gradually regain limb movements. Patient spouse would smile and ask about my dad.

I told them my dad is fine now. He no longer need to be fed thru his nose nor require IV drops or oxygen mask. In fact, he is beginning to walk on his own, he is perfectly lucid.

In due time, when he is fit enough once more he will probably be discharged this coming Monday. Thank goodness.

upheaval

Countless thoughts waltz through minds everyday, only some can be recollected and written down. Here are mine;

Right now, sitting beside my dad as he sleep, I could only feel uneasy seeing when he abruptly wake up to choke on fiuld seeping into his nose. It must be hard for him just trying to sleep. The surgery was suppose to seal the leak but only to find there might be another when he first sat up. It seems he has a running nose but we all know its not. MRI scan this afternoon didnt show any visible signs where there leak may be. But the doctors gave me assurance that look into it in detail be they give consultation during their rounds in the morning.

Tired, thats the word for now. I've been mulling around contemplating about life. Yes, the big question. What am I to do after I found out my priorties are change, a dream that I thought I could grasp on is finally slip away because I let my "unyielding priorties" get in the way. Is there still a home in the first place? Cold sensation runs throught my pal seeing seeing my only parent left laying on the hospital bed.